Saturday, February 11, 2017

Here's The Sign

On our weekly grocery run, there appeared a grandmother with her grandson. Grandmother Reads aloud: “SERVICE DOG DO NOT TOUCH.”

     “Hey mom that’s what it says on my vest in pretty BIG letters!”

     “Oh, hello Goodee the Service Dog. Yes, you are correct that is what it says on your vest. How do Service Dogs read?"

     “That’s top-secret CIA stuff mom if I told you, I might have to kill you.”

     “Fair enough Goodee. We will just say Service Dogs are smart,"

Let’s continue for our readers -- when a child is too young to read you should read to them.
In this case, I continued browsing, to my shock and horror grandmother says:

     “GO ASK if YOU CAN pet the dog!”

     I’m thinking “UGH!” as I attempt a rapid walk away.
(and Goodee the Service Dog is thinking: “WTF lady you just READ the sign!”)

“Goodee! Watch it! the blog is rated “E” for everyone.”

     “Well it reads better rated “NC-17.”

     “Your editorial skills are masterful Goodee.”

So, grandson is hot on our trail. Grandmother is still shopping a distance away. Inevitably the boy finds us again. I stop to dispense with the big question. The boy gives me the best reason for “needing” to pet the dog: 
“Today is my birthday, can I pet the dog?” 

I would like to correct the child’s grammar but instead, simply reply: “Happy Birthday, thanks for asking but, she’s working right now.”

Wrinkling a brow, the boy says: “Why’s she working.” “Well she has to help me walk, “I replied, beginning to move my shopping basket. The boy says “Oh,” but continues to follow us closely. Grandmother is nowhere in sight. We drifted several directions, the little stalker remains relentless. He darts over into our path, front, behind, all over the place. This behavior catches the eye of other shoppers. Grandmother finally yells out, trying to find her Denise the menace. He stops a few seconds but then continues to follow us.

     “What you did next mom is pretty funny.”

     “Yes, Goodee it was. I should tell the readers that it was all in the interest of revenge.”

     “True mom they might get the wrong idea about you otherwise.”

     “I will just address my apology to the grandmother:"

Dear Grandparent:
Your grandson has stalked me all over the store for nearly 30 minutes now. I know you had a lot of shopping to do. I don’t mind babysitting really, I think that your grandson is charming.
Do you normally allow your grandchild to follow and make conversation with strangers?  I find your behavior odd, you allowed and encouraged the child to seek me out. You know nothing about me but, I can tell a lot about you.
You are clueless about the number of things that could happen in the dangerous situation you alone created. You gave up an opportunity to teach the child some manners. You entered the child in the AMBER ALERT lottery, thankfully he didn’t win.
I’m sorry for my loud chuckle but, it was fun watching you try to explain the most personal of plastic products and jelly, as I ducted into the beauty section.  You looked my direction but, it’s not my fault the little guy is attracted to bright packaging.
Today’s lesson brought to readers by the “clueless grandmother”: Read and observe all signs, explain them to the children with you.
PS. Would you tell a child “Go ask if you can pet the wheelchair?”
We didn’t think so!
The Service Dog is a TOOL not a TOY!


We appreciate all our friends. Please know when we are out and about we must say:

“Not now we are working!”


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